WOMAN MARRIES A ROCK.

I told 'em 30 years ago! I said: "You watch for this pet rock craze. It's a slippery slop, the thin edge of the wedge." Yep, I warned 'em: " Soon enough they'll be marrying those rocks." They called me a religious right-wing nutter, but I was right.
    So Sara found herself a craggy, chiselled-faced rock called Bruce. Bruce Rock. He didn't have the looks of a Rock Hudson or the humor of a Chris Rock, but he was gritty and as solid as a ......well, as a boulder.
    Married in Little Rock, Kansas, Sara and Bruce enjoyed a Reception with music provided by a rockabilly band playing rock n roll covers of  the Rolling Stones.
    As the night wore on Sara got stoned and suggested to Bruce: "Let's go to bedRock", whereupon they conceived their now-famous triplet pebbles named Igneous, Basalt and Granite.
    The sad aftermath, as the world knows, is that Bruce, discontented with his mineral gender and hankering to be a vegetable, shed his identity to become........... a tree! Doctors administered chemical treatments to turn Bruce brown, while rock-carvers shaped him into a trunk. Bruce then donned some pretty green leaves upon his person with glue to complete his transformation; however he was not welcome in the forest as the trees knew that he was not a real tree.
    But Bruce achieved his aim, appearing on the cover of Time and became wealthy through his fame and was lauded by liberals and Greens and other trans-rocks the world over. Even Western Education Departments instituted programs to teach children that they too may be confused about who they are and if Bruce could do it, they could change too. Even many trees began the reverse transition into rocks with injections of gravel-laden cement.
    Sadly, however, Bruce's three pebbles were left fatherless, while Sara fell into another relationship and eventually married the Atlantic Ocean.


CREDIT FOR THE INSPIRATION TO RELATE THIS TRUE STORY goes to The Spectator's article on self-marriage - something which is catching on along with marriages to pets, trees and the ocean. Obviously at present such marriages are conducted by esoteric groups and not state-sanctioned. The article is at....

http://www.spectator.co.uk/2016/08/the-rise-of-marriage-for-one/?utm_source=Adestra&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=201600827_Weekly_Highlights_34_everyone